In recent months he has lost his desire to eat and finally became so weak, his doctor advised that he should be admitted to the hospital. During this past week they have been running one test per day to find the culprit of my uncle's ill. He was confronted yesterday by the sad news that he has tumors throughout his entire body. They have only removed one so far that was located on his spleen, but now must proceed to the liver and also to the one behind his lungs which has forced him to be unable to breath on his own since it is blocking the flow of oxygen. Not sure about whether or not these tumors are cancerous...there are just so many "I do not know's" that I have just decided not to ask but just listen.
I am going up there tomorrow for the first time. I am told he is on heavy medication cooped up in intensive care and probably will not realize I am even present which might be just as well....he needs his rest for strength. I am not sure how I feel, of course my heart aches to see anyone in pain...especially people you hold so dear with love. My aunt and my cousin seem to be already going through a mild form of grief and mourning over my uncle's tragedy and regression. Their preparation from despair is understandable but has made their hopes also be clouded. I see in their eyes that they feel as though death is approaching...how can you not live, be faced, and deal with that realization?
I am not going there tomorrow to say good-bye, nor am I prepared to start grieving for a man who is still fighting and who also has no concrete diagnosis. I am there to visit and to bring my love and support. And along with my family, I will keep praying that he will see this through.